Confessions of an Over Thinker

Saying yes really means saying no

Welcome back to Chess in Small Doses, a Substack about adult improvement at chess. I’ve been a productivity buff ever since my Masters degree in 2009. During that time I came across Getting Things Done by David Allen. I’ve learned a lot about being productive and I’ve also learned a lot about being just busy. There is one lesson I’ve learned again and again: To actually be productive, we must be comfortable with that we are not doing and dedicate ourselves fully to what we are doing. Over the last 5 years of chess improvement this has remained true time and time again.. Let’s get into it.

In The Beginning

Back in 2001, a small book by David Allen was published. David had been a corporate consultant for many years but had struggled with keeping track of what he had to do. His methodology was to simply empty his head and try and keep track of it somewhere in a trusted system. He had a famous quote from the book: “Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them.” Thus was born Getting Things Done, aka “GTD.”

I came across this book in 2009 while trying to finish a Masters degree (while also working full time as a doctor, and volunteering in a leadership position at the hospital I was working at, and newly married). So I was busy (more on that later) and what resonated with me was that quote and the promise of being free of keeping everything in my head. Every time I had a situation where I had to remember to remember what I wanted to do, I would inevitably forget. The heart of GTD is a habit change where you capture all these ideas for later. Later you can decide what, if anything, you needed to do about it.

Dear reader, I went whole hog into GTD when I became a medical director in 2013. I had my entire life planned and all my commitments tracked. But a funny thing happened along the way. I got very stressed out (job, marriage, new kid). By 2016, I was burnt out and resigned my post. It took about 2 years to unwind before I could even begin to think about what happened.

(Lots of chess books… a few I’ve even read - including your book Ben!)

“We do so much, we run so quickly, the situation is difficult, and many people say, “Don’t just sit there, do something.” But doing more things may make the situation worse. So you should say, “Don’t just do something, sit there.” Sit there, stop, be yourself first, and begin from there.”

―Thích Nhất Hạnh,Being Peace

Maintenance Costs

In 2021 Oliver Burkeman wrote a book called 4000 Weeks that helped distill much of what I had come to understand about GTD. It works, but it can be a lot. Hidden within GTD is the key struggle - we have to decide. However, human nature is always biased towards more, towards saying yes. It’s an evolutionary advantage for us to do so. Deciding often means saying no, or not right now. My experience with GTD taught me that every time I said yes to something I said no to everything else I could be doing. Burkeman pointed out in his book that being productive is only one thing we can do with our time. Inevitably we need to do something called “upkeep” or maintenance. Upkeep on our bodies, our possessions, and in our relationships. Everything that we value will require upkeep, which by some definitions is not productive, but it is important.

What I did as a medical director was eventually let others decide what was most important for me to be doing. I’m not proud to say it, but I left a spa vacation with my wife to drive back and work during a crisis out of a sense of responsibility. Sadly by the time I returned, the crisis had passed. Now this isn’t GTD’s fault per se, but it is a common experience.

(even more books, many of which I’ve started but not finished)

Time and Attention

We only have control of two things: our time and our attention. Where we put our attention is where we spend our time. And time is the most limited resource we have. Successful people are individuals who have learned that they can overcome obstacles when they put their mind to it. GTD gave me the belief (or illusion) that I could control my life completely. Where I spent my time, what had my attention, and what I would ultimately be able to produce. I did for a while, but it came at a cost. I ended up saying no to everything and everyone else in my life that mattered, to my detriment. I let my job consume my whole life.

Burkeman points out that reality always entails compromise. We can only keep our attention focused for so long before we need a break. We are different each day too. We are more garden than machine, but I tried to be the opposite. I tried to create a non-reality on paper and somehow make it into reality daily through my actions. After about 2 years of running as hard as I possibly could, I was out of gas. At that point I was still capturing everything in my system… but it wasn’t working any more. I just couldn’t find the energy to care.

What I learned from that time is that GTD is just a list of lists, reminders if you will so you don’t have to keep it all in your head. There’s no need to remember to remember because it’s somewhere recorded. What GTD won’t tell you is what matters to you most. Those values are what tells you what is important and what isn’t. If you know what matters most, then you clear goals and align your actions to them. Better yet, you can confidently say no to everything else that doesn’t matter. Burkeman’s book is a reminder that only by saying no can you say yes to something.

I lost touch with my values and let other people define what is important for me. As a result I lost control of both my time and my attention. Thankfully this all came to an end in 2016.

(Forward Chess… it’s an issue)

Mindfulness meditation doesn’t change life. Life remains as fragile and unpredictable as ever. Meditation changes the heart’s capacity to accept life as it is.

Sylvia Boorstein

The more things change…

Now you’d think I’d have learned my lesson… but along came chess. Looking back at my initial improvement, it was because I had a structure that my coach game me consisting of Chess Steps puzzles and weekly games. That however didn’t stop me from constantly asking “what else can I do?” That question turned into lots of physical chess books, Chessable Courses, You Tube videos, and on and on. Eventually my coach had enough, and I have struggled to find traction every since. As you can surmise, it was counter productive. Lots of effort spent running as fast as I could in every direction. But wait, that sounds familiar.

I had become once again a professionally “busy” person. GTD helped me to be very busy… all the time. I kept track of every last detail. What I couldn’t do was decide what to say no to. That puts me in good company since we’re all addicted to “busy-ness”. It feels like importance and can pervade entire organizations to their detriment. Being busy is very different than being productive, almost the exact opposite. Wasted effort is still wasted effort. The critical aspect of all productivity systems isn’t tracking things… it’s having a place to put stuff so it’s no longer on your mind. What do you do with that mind that no longer has to remember everything? What do you do with all that “free” time? You make the difficult decision of what is most important to you right now. Like many people I found it easy to be busy.

(More Chessable Courses than I could ever finish)

“You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan. No plan at all. You know why? Because life cannot be planned.”

quote from the 2019 movie Parasite

Plans Fail, Planning Succeeds

I’ve made life plans, I’ve made study plans, I’ve made financial plans, I’ve made exercise plans, and I’ve made chess plans. As the saying goes “Man plans, and God laughs.” That’s because there is always something we haven’t considered. There is always something that is outside of our control. While those are all true, the reason all plans fail is that we haven’t decided what is most important to us. Turns out this is harder to do than you might think. To actually be productive, we must be comfortable with that we are not doing and dedicate ourselves fully to what we are doing.

It’s been my experience that this is getting harder and harder for people to do. We have so many distractions right now in our lives. There are many companies and people whose job it is to get their information in front of you and change your mind about what is important. We only have so much time, and as adults even less to dedicate to this wonderful game of ours. Every time we give in to distraction, we stray from our path. Still, I have learned forgiveness with myself after years of repeatedly trying to walk narrow, demanding paths.

What life has taught me is that plans are hopeful documents that often do not survive reality. Plans must always be adjusted. Having a plan is helpful, but what helps more is the planning itself. It helps us evaluate what it would actually take to get where we think we want to go. It lets us consider if that is a price we’re willing to pay. Lastly, it serves as a framework for us to return to when (not if) we hit a wall. In chess improvement (and in life) it is better to have a direction than a destination.

The pluralization of priority mirrors the fragmented complexity of modern life. While we juggle multiple demands, the essence of a priority-a singular, guiding principle-has been diluted. This shift is not just linguistic but symbolic, reflecting a culture that prizes busyness over clarity-a pattern often linked to anxiety, chronic stress, and burnout.

Asim J via Medium

One Step At A Time

After all of this, I have come to accept reality. The best thing I can do to be truly productive is know what I value most. Plans are nice, but they don’t survive contact with reality. If I know what I want I can set a direction and try to take a step each day towards that.

If I want to get to USCF 1800 the most immediately step I can take is winning USCF rated games. Since rating and results are not in my control, all I can do is to play OTB rated games. Short of that I can train chess. It’s that simple. When I have done any of these steps, I have done something. And something is enough.

I wish I could simply make reality fit my desires, but chess doesn’t respond like that. The only thing I can do to fail is get distracted. And there are so many distractions in chess.

On one hand, I am no longer willing to let other people distract me from my work. On the other hand, I am no longer willing to do is sacrifice what is most important in my life to achieve that goal. As such, I accept that I may never get there. I hope you do too. Far too many examples of success these days hide the true cost of success. One of the few people I admire is Idris Elba, at least his honesty in this interview:

What has been your biggest achievement?

My career – because every job I ever got I had to fight for. I’m an odd, tall, black man that doesn’t quite fit in. And here I am 25 years later in what I consider to be a very well-rounded career.

... and your biggest disappointment?

My personal life. I sacrificed it to be where I am as an actor. So my relationships have suffered.

Success means deciding what is most important to you. Then define the goal you wish were true. Each day, try to take one step closer to it. There are no short cuts, but there are many dead ends long the way. Distraction happens, just return to whatever path you have chosen and walk it as best as you can.

Thank you for reading. I hope this post is helpful for people who recognize over thinking in themselves.

Also, like many of you I am captivated by what is happening in the Candidates (Open and the Women’s). Check out Nick Visel’s recaps, they’re pretty good.